matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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