Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
