sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
