you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize