My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You made out with two different species that night
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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