brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
