my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
soo... how was my night?
Randomize