The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
