the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
