I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
