I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
