running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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