last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize