the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
