1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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