My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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