i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
