Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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