just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
