he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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