Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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