Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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