Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
