How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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