Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Terrible idea I love it
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
