I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize