Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
