this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
