I am puke
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
