you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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