if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Bring me that man meat
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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