just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
