Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
