I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
