seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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