ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
