I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
