ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
