I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
