Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
