a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
