Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
