do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
