I wish I could punch you in the face.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
