ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
