hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize