It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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