Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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