well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
