i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
