i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
