My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
