The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
