DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
