'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
