We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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