I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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