As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
