I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
