hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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