Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize