My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I want to be your penis for a week.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
