He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
