Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
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