i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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