So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It's never too late to be topless.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
