my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
