im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
