btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
