I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
