he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
