well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
