Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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