just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
