i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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