Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Still dying that you shit outside
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
