drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
