Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
