Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
