my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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