It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
