my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
