I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
