I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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