THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
