Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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