I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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