I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize