Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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