Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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