Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
