i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
