i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
