Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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