You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
