my room smells like sperm. sweet.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
