she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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