Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Princesses don't give blow jobs
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
