This girl is more easily done than said...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
