i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize