Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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