Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
