there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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