he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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