Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
