nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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