he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
