I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
