He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
my poor anus
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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