remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
