i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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