I hate your face
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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