he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
