so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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