I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
